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Les Mémoires
Wendy Benner another suicide, this one too close to home February 26, 2024
 
So many moments relived the last ten days, and while the memories of you are never gone, they have been a little more distant, and the memories are more sweet than bitter.  I know things will be harder, especially for Madi, on her wedding day, and I know you are omnipresent in our lives, despite the time passing.  You hover there, like a quiet cloud, in a beautiful space, in our lives from beyond.  AND...damn these last few weeks brought so many emotions, doubts, thoughts, and questions right back.  I do not write on here much anymore, yet it would feel disrespectful to not. 

I am so sad that another wonderful man felt so little hope that his answer was the same as yours.  I know in my heart that neither of you intended this, yet the reality for those of us that remain, is that it feels that way.  The questions.  The hurt.  The confusion.  A bit of anger.  The sadness.  The memories.  They are forever more, in our hearts and our minds.   I pray Matthew is at peace; the same peace I have prayed for you for well over a decade.  I also pray that no one else joins this club.  

You were both so loved, respected, needed.  Some things just don't change.

always, no matter what.

Wen
Wen Walking down memory lane…due to Buffet October 27, 2023
 
Listening to pandora. Buffet station.  Hearing evryone from our past including our wedding song. Just wanted to say hi! 

rip ehb.  

always.  No matter what.   
Wendy Benner Once again, a song, hits home March 9, 2023
 

E, 

Time...it allows the world to keep spinning, for those of us living in it, and seems to pass too quickly.  It alters perspectives, allows for failure, redemption, growth, and change.  It's not that I don't think of you often, because I do, however I am not gutted very often anymore.  It's beautiful memories, a dull ache for others, and just the loss to this world.  It's not noble or unselfish; I just have grieved for so many years, lost so much, and also learned to be a better parent, daughter, person, and partner.  Even when there are dark clouds, I am blessed and happy, for all of it.  That said, today....gutted.  I do not know how I have not ever heard this song. It was released in 2004, just 5 years after you left.  Perhaps I was not capable of hearing it, or ready for the impactful, gut-wrenching, and overwhelming feelings of sadness.  Today, perhaps I was...I rewound it 3 times.  It might be one of the most brutal songs I have ever heard, song with the voice of an angel.  It is once again BRUT-IFUL.  I truly pray for change in this world that creates a place where no one's mind ever takes them to the place that yours went, and the place that this artist, Blaine put so elegantly into painful magic.  

With love, loss, and respectful memories...

 

How Do You Get That Lonely by Blaine Larsen

It was just another story written on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on his bedroom floor
There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know
Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?
I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know
It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score...
Wendy Benner Our daughter married the love of her life... February 6, 2023
 
There is so much to write, and so little I can actually say.  What matters most is that Kait married the love of her life, in a manner that mattered most to her.  While I believe it might have been very different if you were here, I am no longer sure she would have wanted it any different than the way they shared it...togther, on their terms, with you there in spirit and in love.  
Wendy Benner Our daughter married the love of her life... February 6, 2023
 
There is so much to write, and so little I can actually say.  What matters most is that Kait married the love of her life, in a manner that mattered most to her.  While I believe it might have been very different if you were here, I am no longer sure she would have wanted it any different than the way they shared it...togther, on their terms, with you there in spirit and in love.  
Les Mémoires Totales: 104
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